Chances

Brian was born and raised in Castle Rock, Colorado. His parents Craig and Sylvia Brannon, were no different from any other parent, except, they left the house keeper, Mrs. Greener responsible for raising their own child. She fed, changed and looked out for his well-being from infancy to his young adulthood. She was the one that kept him safe. His parents were busy with formal engagements to justify the time for a child. His friends were kept to a bare minimum as years of home schooling took precedence. They had made it quite clear that there would be no distractions, while instilling positive values and learning on their son.

The power, the money and a host of social gatherings, was the family’s only priority. Everything was built on appearance, grace and respect from the community. The wealth and social acceptance were to be trained in accordance with their plan. This in turn, left him to be alone for most of his younger years. 

When he was sixteen, the world around him began to crumble, as not only his social skills were in doubt, but his sexuality too. Years of solitary confinement left him with no one to help him understand the feelings he was struggling with. Although Mrs. Greener was not absent from the fact that Brian was reconditioning his own desires; she still had a job to perform.

This poor child, echoed throughout, as she noticed him to be continually wandering off his lessons. Deep down, she suspected something was troubling him, but left it without questioning. It broke her heart knowing the changes in his conditioning became more apparent each day, and that she couldn’t do anything about it.

A gay son in the Brannon family would not be tolerated, and if Craig and Sylvia ever suspected anything other than the perfect son, the blame would be simply placed on her for the lack of conditioning and guidance. Brian could not let this burden fall on her as he loved her dearly and considered her his mother, and friend. He had a hard time accepting the fact, that just because he was a Brannon, that his life had to be dictated, in all its assets and prestige. He vowed never to stray from whom he was, and at no time to be controlled again.

During his time at Colorado State College, studying in Business administration, his parents deposited money into his bank account regularly, as their way of indicating that they were proud of him. Brian knew if he played on with the charade long enough, he would always have it full; so he did just that.

While, he was at college, the many pleasures of exploration were finally exchanged. It was quite clear to him now, that he enjoyed the company of men. Walking through the campus, stalking his prey, he took the reins and lured them into side entrances and stairwells for  quick encounters. He took comfort in the fact that there were no emotions, only actions that were raw and pleasurable. He made sure the exploit would not require any forms of attachments, and if it had, he would go steadfast. He would not allow himself to get emotional, figuring the arrangement would change him into someone he wasn't. He lived too many years of conditioning already, to be placed in that arena once again.

After College, he moved to the Big Apple, New York City. He couldn’t wait for the illicit adventures and secret rendezvous to begin; a city that never sleeps was the perfect playground. His attitude expressed a good-bye to Colorado and hello to the New World. Craig and Sylvia didn't understand why he needed to move, when everything was in Colorado for him. There, he could succeed in his wealth, marry a beautiful woman and have children. They thought.

“Mom, everything is going swell here. I was thinking of taking some time off before returning home, to secure my future.” He said with a convincing tone.

With little, to no words replied, Sylvia agreed.

Brian had no intentions of ever going back. He knew if he played his cards right that they would keep transferring money, into his account. This time he devised a plan of opening up a separate account and placed half the money in, so he could establish himself a savings. If his parent's flow of money ever stopped, he would be secured for a while longer.

He found himself a little one-bedroom apartment in the west village nestled around curved cobblestones and gardens, which he fell in love with. He also found himself a job located in the village. It was not by any means glamorous, and the atmosphere was not impressive, but it did have one thing that he liked; it was crawling with half-naked men.

Working at a bar, Therapy, until five in the morning, hauling beer bottles and throwing misbehaved drunken whores into the back alley, took every bit his strength. New York was a bad-ass city, and a wilderness survival kit should be a perquisite before entering the city. Each weekend he watched the men as they melded their bodies on top of one another, showing off their wares searching for that one lonesome victim whom they could call their conquest. Brian loved the whole ceremony, and he played along.

This is when Roger and Steve, entered his life. They walked into Therapy, one early Saturday evening and strolled right up towards the bar.

“You recently started working here, right?” Roger asked with a smile as he extended his hand for a greeting.

“Yes. Actually, I’ve been here for two weeks now, and I love it, so you don’t need to ask that question next.” Brian comically bursts out.

“Little cheeky bugger isn’t he Steve? I think I’m going to learn to love him.” Roger voiced, looking straight into Brian’s eyes, as he cleaned out the plastic ashtray on the counter. 

“Sorry guys, but nature-calls.” Steve indicated, giving Roger a pointer to order something for him.

“What are you two men drinking?” Brian inquired; amazed at the character in front of him.

“Whatever you’re serving, gorgeous. And if you take too long to answer, then just throw down two Millers and an umbrella in one of them, for the misses.” They both laughed.

Almost every day of the week, the two of them visited the bar, bringing up conversations as if they had known each other for years. They immediately bonded as friends and eventually took their adventures outside.

Steve was the listener, sharing numerous conversations. They talked about each other's past and how they had to make their own discoveries growing up, realizing there was no one around to guide them through the early years of coming out. They talked about their dreams of what lay beyond tomorrow and how far they could go today. It was like they understood, within every sentence, what the other was thinking. And it was done without any physical contact.

Roger was jealous of the intimate relationship they shared. His connection with Brian was entirely on a sexual nature. It was merely an exchange of sexual relief that filled each other’s lonely night. Brian had wished that the emptiness he felt could be filled continuously, but he knew it would mean he would have to subject himself to bridge a commitment to someone, and he knew this would never happen. Even Roger played that similar role of a wandering soul. They were equally stubborn, and that is why they matched perfectly like magnets of the same end; belonging together, yet pulling apart.

The guys had this crazy, out-of-the-blue idea, that since it was so hard for them to come out of the closet when they were young, they were going to celebrate and leave their legacy. They were going to donate their sperm; in the hopes of one-day someone will bare their child. Brian knew; the idea was totally insane, but went along with it anyway. The likely hood of him having children in his lifetime was close to zero; so why not? 

He didn't understand the entire procedure but went along with it. He thought he could walk in, jerk in a cup, and the three of them would continue to bar hop across town. However, this did not happen, as the endless paperwork had to be filled out. Each one of them had to summarize three generations, indicating illnesses; family doctor's name and any other medical issues that came to mind. They sat in the lounge for close to an hour, filling out forms, as jokes of what they could write between the lines came to mind, became hysterical. The receptionist kept peering over irritated. Everything had to be checked and rechecked again. Each participant had to give blood and piss in a bottle for further tests with regards to diseases; before they were even allowed to jerk off. When the receptionist called each of them in, one by one, Brian had thought they could do it together, but apparently, even in New York, it was considered inappropriate. He was escorted into a cubicle indicating 3A with all the details of the procedure. Roger and Steve were placed in 4 and 5A.

“Please moan, really loud." Brian urged them, before the nurse closed the door. They all laughed, except for her, as she wandered back to her station.

It didn’t take him long, as he was the first to leave. He was hoping to save himself for later, but he figured a jump start wasn't going to hurt. When Roger and Steve did their job, they all took a line of dust and went out on the town.

Months had gone by, and nothing changed. His one-night stands, courtesy of the bar, allowed him his release. It was becoming repetitive. There has to be more to life than this. He thought. Depression was becoming a key focal point, and it was beginning to scare the hell out of him.

What is wrong with me? I have everything I need. I have money, Roger, Steve, and all the men at my disposal. The only thing that allowed him any kind of normality in his life was the two guys sitting across from him.

“You know what guys? I have an idea. I was thinking that the three of us could drive to New Hampshire.” He suggested while routinely placing two Millers down on the counter.

“Have we gone lulu? We have everything right here in the Big Apple. Why in God’s name would we want to go to New Hampshire?” Roger replied questioning, not fully understanding where this idea was coming from.

“It’s not as crazy as it sounds. I think it would be fun. We could go into Indian Rock, or explore the Ruggles Mine. We could become the tourist.” The two of them glanced at Brian and then looked at one another in a state of confusion.

“I think someone needs a paddy wagon ride?” Steve pointed out.

With a bit of annoyance, Brian closed the idea.

“If you guys don’t want to come, then I’ll go myself. I want to escape the clutches of the city for a while; taking a moment to relax and see life, other than hot tricks in alley ways or back rooms. Perhaps it might even be beneficial for me, to go alone?” Brian acknowledged to himself.

"Maybe it’s not such a terrible idea. However, don't you think you ought to talk to your parents first? Especially now that you’ve decided to run again. They may call while you’re gone." Roger questioned sarcastically, while flicking the ashes from his cigarette on the floor of the bar.

"We are not getting into this again. I told you. I don’t want to talk to them. If I don’t answer the phone, then they’ll never know what I'm doing. Let them worry. I don't care." He walked away and would continue to do so, until Roger dropped the topic.

"You are one, stubborn son of a bitch you know that?" Roger barked from across the room.

"Yes, I know."

He hated to admit it, but he was right. He should talk to them. They had already given him enough space to live his own life, and all he has done with it was squandering the better part of two years, high on dust, working in seedy gay bars and cruising all the hot spots. Craig and Sylvia were to be proud of him and congratulate him on a solid future that he was trying to create for himself. Part of him was ashamed of what he had accomplished, yet the other half didn’t honestly care, just as long as he got what he wanted. He was afraid to talk to them, because he knew that the money would eventually stop coming. Two years since college and he still had no desire to secure a future for himself. The security he needed was the money that was growing in his secret bank account. It was all accumulating from guilt. The lies had to stop, and it was only a matter of time before his life would have to change.

It was close to Spring Break, and Brian took the old beat up convertible and hit the road for his adventure of solitude.

I think this could give me a different outlook on life. And if not, then at least I can buy myself a new wardrobe. He thought giggling to himself, as he ventured down I95. The leaves had already started to show its colour of spring, as the drive towards New Haven was peaceful and quiet. He took a break on the shoreline of Long Island Sound and stared out across the water, mesmerized by the Columbus clouds that could be seen overhead for miles.

”You don’t see this every day in New York.” He called out. He was so impressed with the tranquility of New Haven; he welcomed himself to the hilltops and its past heritage.

Brian overheard a gentleman at the corner, mentioning that there was an excellent restaurant down the street. He realized he was getting hungry. He found Pacifico, a warm, two-floor-high, gay-friendly eatery, just down the street.

The dinner was exquisite, with its Mediterranean Black Sea Bass served to absolute perfection. Complemented by a bottle of Broquel Trapiche, Chardonnay. The waiter was super attentive, as Brian caught his every move. He watched him continuously saunter back and forth between tables with grace and speed. He was handsome, masculine, and rugged, he thought. Could it be true?  Brian was smitten in the likes of him.

“Excuse me waiter, I think you may know what I mean when I ask, if you know of any places in New Haven that someone like, us, would appreciate” Brian asked openly with no intentions to offend.

The waiter replied with a radiant smile,

“Why yes sir, WE would love to go to Partner’s Cafe; especially on Tuesday nights. I think you would enjoy yourself there very much.” He said showing off a wink and then continued,

“I’m thinking it might be better for you, if you were not alone. The music can become a bit hypnotic.”

“You don’t say? I think I’ll have to ask someone to go then. Thank-you so much for the suggestion.” Brian said dismissing him politely with a wink, as well. The waiter turned his back in question, as he slowly began to walk away, confused. 

“Excuse me, Waiter?” Brian interjected again, within seconds.

“Yes sir.” He turned around smiling. 

“I think there has been a mistake.” Brian inquired with a half cocked grin.

“What is that sir?

“Since you seem to be so busy, and apparently I’m shouldn’t be alone, how can this possibly be?” Brian asked, participating in the game.

“Sir that’s easy. My shift ended about twenty minutes ago. I had asked to stay on so I could continue serving this hot guy at this table. So you see sir, you need me to go with you.” He said showing off his radiant smile again.

"I think you are right."

The place wasn't quite New York, but it did have its appeal. They sat at the bar, hoisting themselves high up on the stools. Pleasantries were exchanged as a draft, and a glass of white wine was ordered.

"I feel a bit awkward, not introducing myself. My name is Brian." He said.

"I know. Remember you had paid the bill, and signed the credit card receipt. You also left a generous tip; thank-you.”

"Funny thing is, I already know your name too, by the badge you were wearing." Brian said as he took hold of his hand, formally meeting.

“It's nice to meet you.” They both responded together. As soon as their hands touched, there was no urge to let go, so they kept them in unison.

The place was starting its regular Tuesday performance of male dancers walking up onto the bar to start their ritual of sexual enticement. Normally, Brian at this point, would be ignoring everyone around him as he would watch the exotic dancers, for at least two more glasses of wine. This time, however, this sexy, smart, masculine and humorous man beside him, stole his breath away and all his attention. He couldn't quite understand what was happening. He had never been so captivated by anyone before now; so he gave in to his capture. Paul looked straight into his eyes and leaned in to kiss him softly. Instantly the music went silent, the lights dimmed, and the heat escalated. He knew something had been triggered. It felt incredible.

"Why don't we leave" Paul softly whispered? Brian had no words, only a gesture of consent, as they left with hands tightly closed, together.

The night rolled in the fog as they walked down Long Island Sound. A lighthouse in the distance glared off its beacon, turning, as the clanking of marina boats made their fisherman's song.

"Let's leave so we can be alone. I live nearby, and there's a bottle of wine in the fridge just waiting to be opened - if we get that far.” Paul initiated with an eager tug on his hand. Again, Brian fell silent and allowed Paul to take the lead, as they strolled off together.

Brian lay under the home-made quilts, captivated by this naked stranger beside him. He couldn't remember the last time he had ever awoken with anyone in bed. He was mesmerized. With a slight stir, Brian gave Paul a fresh morning kiss.

"Good morning sir." Paul replied with half-open eyes.

He laid his hand on his chest, fingering through the soft hairs, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Hi. How did you sleep? Brian concerned.

“Wonderful. The whole two hours of it.” Paul replied, shameless.

"Why don't we spend today together? Call in sick, if you have to," Brian suggested with little chance of him, to say no. He continued,

"I want to know everything there is to know about you, and I can't do that while you are serving tables. I don't know what it is about you, but I swear to God; I don't know what's come over me." Brian confessed in his little moment of weakness.

Paul looked at him with the same confusion,

"To be honest too, I commonly don't force myself on anyone, so quickly either. You threw me in a spin, and I had to go with it. I'm so glad we met. You are amazing." Paul confessed, elevating himself up onto the pillow to encompass all of Brian's features.

"Yes, let’s spend the day together. However, there is one small issue though," Paul admitted.

"As long as we can have time together, I can't see any issues."Richard confessed once again.

"I have to drive to Manchester. I promised my grandmother that I would visit for a while. I’ve planned it for a week. It wouldn't take long, and we could have the rest of the night to ogle each other." The air left the room for a short moment. "How does that sound?" Paul asked, with every prayer he knew, that Brian would say yes.

"Yesterday, my plan was to drive up across the state into New Hampshire, and perhaps over into Maine. My instinct told me to take a quick stop in New Haven. I had no other intentions, but to explore. Out of nowhere, there you were." Brian certainly was beside himself.

"So I take it, that means, yes?" Paul said excitedly.

"Yes. Of course," Brian agreed. He quickly grabbed hold of Paul's muscular body, pulling him closer as they made love once again.

The trip was perfect. The scenery on the I95 wasn't spectacular, but the company at the wheel was incredible. Brian never thought he could break the barrier that was controlling his life for all these years. This man beside him stole everything from him, and he honestly he could say that he didn't want it back. It only took a simple touch of his hand on the arm rest to know that this was how it was supposed to be. He was scared but wanted to let him in.

"I'm surprised you've been single this long." Paul remarked, relieved he was.

"I think that sounds like you're saying I'm not. Is this a proposal?" Brian's heart raced a beat in the humor of the words.

"It's crazy right now, don't you think? I mean, look at us. We just met, had the most incredible sex that I've ever had, and now we are driving across the state together." Paul was dumbstruck at what he was even saying.

Brian paused, for a brief moment to collect his thoughts before he spoke.

"Very crazy, I would have to agree. There's something between us that is terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. I live in the fast pace city of New York, and you're from peaceful, and rustic New Haven. None of it matters as long as there is time. So yes, I guess what I am saying is, that I would love to spend more time with you."

The two hearts slowed their beating as they both exchanged stares into one another eyes.

Driving through Manchester was exciting. Brian was wondering, if they would have enough time to explore the sites.

"Okay, I have an idea." Paul spoke.

“I was thinking, we might book a room in Salem, at the La Quinta Inn. It’s close to my Gram, and it would give you a chance to relax or explore. Don't worry; it's not paid by the hour. I know you’re not cheap." He laughed.

“I'll manage."

"I'm imagining a bucket of ice and a few liquor bottles placed by the bedside table. You would be stripped naked under sheets of silk waiting eagerly for my arrival." Paul conveyed his fantasy.

"Wow. You sure have an imagination. Somehow I don't picture the Inn having silk sheets. Will cotton sheets do? Everything, trust me, will be in order for when you get back. I’ll be showered, naked and waiting.” He winked with an indication of anticipation. “Who knows, I may even adventure into Salem and discover a love hex or two, while you're gone. Now that sounds like an adventure, doesn't it?" They both laughed.

The Inn housed a diner, so he figured he would grab a bite to eat, in order to build up his strength for a long, loving evening of pure adulterated love making.

His senses were not in the present, as his imaginary foreplay took over his senses. In the background, he heard a door slam, and when he turned the corner, a woman walked straight into him

“Whoa there,” he said, “are you okay?” As she flew into his arms.

Her whole body rested on his shoulder. He continued to embrace her, as she obviously felt the need for support of her tears. When she regained her rhythmic breathing, he took a closer look into her drowned out face. She was very pretty.

“That’s better. You sure know how to get someones attention?” He laughed. “I was on my way over to grab a bite to eat at the diner. Maybe you could join me? I hate to eat alone, and we both could use the company, right? ” She agreed.

The evening flew by quickly. His Angus burger and fries were long gone, and only the last of his four drafts remained. It didn’t matter if he got stuck with the tab, because he had just had a whole life's lesson, in less than two hours. It was worth it. He couldn’t believe that this woman had brought so much insight to the table; excluding the bill. Her passion for life and love for her children, even against all the odds, still allowed her to continue to take pride in everything beautiful that was around her. With her own storm of drama, she even listened to him tell the tale of his fearless role towards his parents and anyone else that came close to his heart. Brian conveyed to her the chance meeting of Paul, and how this connection was so strong, that he was afraid to subject himself to a commitment.

For years, his only obligation was to himself and today he learned that he was here to perform a different role now. From her stories of love, hatred, suspicion and fear, he finally connected it all together. No matter how complicated love can be at times and, no matter the pain and suffering that may become of it, love is stronger than that and will always win. And if that is true, then he wanted to take that leap of faith. In that moment, he knew he had to make one decision, despite all. The fear and torture that lived within him for so long didn’t matter anymore. A tear began running down his cheek, as a Thank you, to Suze, and Sam was honored. Without them, he probably would have let this one chance for happiness slip away. Their own hardships truly inspired my soul to take a chance with someone. Although he had only met Paul yesterday, his first and last vow that he would make, was going to be for him; if he would have him.

He knew there was a reason why he would never go back to Colorado. The Wedding of ceremonies took place in New York. Paul moved to New York three years ago and they opened up their own Cafe, called Chances. With Paul’s refined elegance and Brian’s understanding of numbers, they were becoming successful, with the possibilities of opening another one, in New Haven. The ceremony was simple. Roger and Steve took witness and in attendance was Mrs. Greener, as they all blessed their best friend and son, with all the happiness he deserves.

“He’s a cheeky little bugger.” Roger told Steve, with tears welling up in his eyes.”